NICU Reflections -- While Preparing for Baby #3
I've been asked if I was scared to try for baby #3 after the previous premature birth of my son Kaleb at 25 weeks and weighing 1 lb and 9 ozs. HECK YEA! Scared to the fact that I started to doubt my desire to have another child and whether I was capable of carrying another baby full term. All of my fears and doubts came from not really knowing why Kaleb came so early, especially with my oldest son Braylon being born at 37 weeks and not having any problems. Where did I go wrong? Why me God? These were just a few questions I asked after the birth of Kaleb.
BUT MY GOD -- He reminded me of His love and why he took me through the NICU process. See my NICU experience wasn't about Kaleb, but it was my spiritual awakening -- the start of my personal #faithjourney to live MORE -- for God, myself, family, and others. While Kaleb was hooked to monitors and oxygen to keep him alive, I too was hooked to God's spiritual monitors and oxygen as He breathed love, life, and dreams into me. Just like Kaleb had to fight each day, I was fighting the natural and Satan's attempts to distract me. My NICU journey was about surrendering to God and letting go of my so called well laid out plans, schchedules, etc. God had a greater purpose for me and He needed me to let go and trust Him 100%. It wasn't until Kaleb's birth that I realized that I had no control. I couldn't control keeping him warm in my belly for 15 more weeks, I couldn't control whether or not he would live, I couldn't control his need for special medicines, blood transfusions, oxygen, surgeries, etc. All I could control was my RESPONSE! Was I willing to die to myself and feelings and trust God during this process? You know, we easily say "God not my will, but your Will!" Those were the exact words I said to my husband before Kaleb's delivery and at that moment I knew the true meaning and my heart flooded with love, trust, and faith knowing that my heavenly father was in full control.
This pregnancy has been a bit of a roller coaster but I wouldn't change anything about it! I know that I've been faithful throughout the process and with the support of my family and friends, this journey continues to help build and strengthen me as a woman of God. I like to say, "If my God did it before, He is ABLE to do it again!" God -- for that I'm truly grateful and blessed! We have 3 weeks to go before Cameron's arrival and I'm thanking God for each day and awaiting the arrival of our bundle of joy.
You may be experiencing a tough season of life or you may be questioning why things are the way they are. I'm here to encourage you that our God makes no mistakes and He has a plan and a purpose. Don't rush through this season of life! Stand on God's love and His word -- because everything will work out for your good. He knows best and He wants to give you His best! For me, He gave me a new beginning -- to walk in His light, to love more, to be more intentional, and to share and build His kingdom. I was made for more...so I'm walking in it!